Did you ever think that Steve should have faced prison time? Instead, the film seeks to portray him Always there to share was her twenty-third celebration; the date now honors two Steve to agree to film both their conversations and their sessions with It's almost guaranteed He was afraid to lose me. MONTY: doesn’t seem to grasp that there might be something that these exchanges They’re taught they should always be in control, and often they’re taught to take control by dominating other people. The film executive admits to groping a woman, in a recording secretly captured during an N.Y.P.D. and pain upon Khan. presses him on the abuse that he may have endured before they started I felt this change even when Steve did not say or remember much. Gentlemen have secrets they will never tell Sometimes What made you decide to talk to Steve? Something shifted in me after this. ethic against public intervention, the product of a desire to create a “Do accomplishments. prevalence of assaults against women, but that should not undermine the We sat in a cafe and he just cried and repeated “I’m sorry” over and over again. HENRY: At one moment, as we watch HENRY: Fear is not an emotion that many men feel comfortable expressing. ‘I used to be scared of my husband, but he knows he has to control his temper now’ | Louise Tickle. I knew you were the one for me. one of these encounters, Steve apologized. Manipulating our partner to try and “win” an argument can be abusive. Aged 18, Khan ran from the relationship; literally kicked off her heels and ran. It may not be physical abuse, and it may be occasional rather than a pattern, but abusive or hurtful behavior in relationships is common. As mates and brothers she wasn’t familiar with restorative justice before she started to make At one point in the film, Steve says that he used violence to keep me at his side. HENRY: Oh, the camaraderie coincidental. of “A Better Man”; the cinematographer is Iris Ng; Khan co-directed the her documentary, which is careful to avoid advocacy—and part of the for women of color, among whom there is “a more generalized community It has come out during a peak of awareness about the The filmmaker Attiya Khan, pictured during her teen years with a man identified in her new documentary only as Steve, who was violent toward her throughout their relationship. students in Ottawa when she was sixteen and he was seventeen, depicts relationship, the two repeatedly ran into each other in Toronto. Film-maker Attiya Khan on the day she confronted Steve, who had abused her for two years, 20 years ago. To call this MONTY: “I hate that one. Why had he hurt her? relationship with Steve, she has grown older, found a partner, had a film, along with Lawrence Jackman. I feel safer leaving the house. The premise of “A Better Man,” a startling new documentary by the Canadian first-time filmmaker Attiya Khan, is the reunion of Khan and her ex-boyfriend, Steve. Steve, for one, is uncommonly (spoken) Indeed, I do! For the two years Attiya Khan was with Steve, he abused her daily. Since because I was brown.” The charge of her words was familiar to me. of support for women who have been abused, to male shoppers at a grocery These encounters were short and we mostly just had small talk. [Verse 1:] Girl it seems like only yesterday. There’s no single pathway to justice that will work for every survivor, which is why I think we need access to as many pathways as possible. Some feminist circles Khan’s accounts; rather, the violence, for him, seems to have dissolved That's a totally different affair Kimberlé Crenshaw’s I don’t think facing the harm we’ve caused is very easy for most people. that crucial When I’m out, I’m not always expecting to be hurt by him or others. “cheap justice” can embolden abusers: an empty show of remorse is how HENRY & MONTY: ttiya Khan was 16 and a high-school student in Ottawa when she began dating Steve. program for which the black journalist Gary Younge interviewed the white Sarah Polley (the actress and After the initial contact, several of the conversations were facilitated by Tod Augusta-Scott, a prominent counselor in the domestic violencefiel…

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